


The Duty of Men

by rilakumabear



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Angst, Homophobia, M/M, Unrequited Love, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-23 23:20:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6133585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rilakumabear/pseuds/rilakumabear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The seconds stretch, tension coiling tighter and tighter until Changmin can’t bear it anymore. Strange to think how much things would change if he were to tip his head forward and close the inch between their lips.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Duty of Men

 

Management calls them up for a meeting, and Changmin knows it's serious because both of them are called in to speak with face-to-face, rather than hearing the message through their manager or on the phone.

"We've decided," a higher-up tells them bluntly. Changmin scowls. Yunho keeps a polite smile on his face. "You both need to move out and live separately now. The company will pay for all expenses."

They both blink, turn to look at each other, then back at the man, clad in a suit.

"Why, all of a sudden?" Yunho asks. "We've been living together for years; it's not like we mind-"

"Exactly," the suit replies. "It's been years, it's time to live on your own. Besides," he continues, flicking a glance at them, "you're both men."

"We're both men," Changmin repeats, fighting the rising boil of anger. The company representative nods.

"People will talk," he explains, as if people haven't been saying shit for years already.

"We understand," Yunho says softly. Changmin stares at the older man in disbelief, but the leader refuses to look back. "We'll begin packing our things right away."

"Thank you Yunho," the man says. "It was alright with the five of you, but with only two members..." he trails off, shaking his head with a shiver of repulsion, and Changmin has a fleeting fantasy of punching his face.

Later, they're given a list of approved apartments, so he picks out the most expensive, luxury condo round the corner from Kyu's. Yunho picks a more modest office-tel, thirty-five minutes away. Changmin glares at the brochure in Yunho's hands, then leans forward to inspect the stack of apartments the staff had given them. He chooses a bigger place, one that comes with facilities like fancy kitchen appliances, even though Yunho can't cook for shit. But there's a huge fridge to store the inevitable take-out leftovers, so that's okay. Then there's a little courtyard-balcony thing so Taepoong can visit, and a master bedroom that comes with an en-suite and walk in closet, and enough space that Yunho can decide to wake up at 3am and have dance practice or do backflips or whatever. He eyes the brochure until he's satisfied, and dumps it unceremoniously into Yunho's lap.

"Move into this one," he demands, and Yunho smiles, agreeing immediately.

It's only five minutes away.

*

It's weird being on his own. The toothpaste remains squeezed from the bottom, and there are no wet towels left lying on the bathroom floor, and everything is clean and neat and organised and it's fucking terrifying. His family comes to visit once in a while, to help him settle in- his sisters squeal over the huge space and his parents ask when he'll buy something like this for them to retire into. He throws a party, too, with Kyu-line, with SMTown-ers, shit, even people from JYP and YG and Cube and dozens of unfamiliar faces. He doesn't bother to invite Yunho, assuming the older man would drop in at some point anyway. But he never shows up, probably busy bowling or helping out at orphanages or  _something._

The morning after, Changmin has barely slept, unable to go to bed with half-empty bottles and food scattered all over the floor. So he's half delirious, still a little drunk and all together not in the best state when he answers a call from Yunho.

"You sound like shit," the older man laughs when he picks up.

"Fuck you," Changmin replies half-heartedly.

"Kyu sent me photos. Why were Crayon Pop at your place?" Yunho asks mildly.

"The fuck if I know, I didn't invite them," Changmin mutters, collapsing onto the sofa and rubbing a hand over his eyes. "More importantly, why weren't  _you_  there?"

There's a pause. "Didn't realise I was supposed to be."

"Of course you're supposed to be there-"

"I didn't get an invitation-"

"You don't need one!" Changmin snaps, wondering why he's so irritated. There's another pause, then Yunho says, "Sorry, Changminnie, I'll be there next time."

Changmin breathes out slowly. "You're supposed to be here  _all_  the time."

There’s a slight hitch of breath, and Changmin isn’t quite sure if it’s from himself or Yunho.

"Changmin," Yunho starts. "It's different now. We spend all our time together. I mean, there's been rumours..."

"Like I give a shit," Changmin replies. He stares at his apartment, the clean white walls and huge space. It's perfect and luxurious: the object of envy. He hates it. "Hyung, I- I miss you."

Yeah, he definitely hasn't slept. It's the hangover talking. Or maybe still the last soju bomb that's talking, because, fuck, he never says stuff like this, but it's true. Yunho is a presence you don't forget easily, and it's like his arm has been cut off or something with the other man away, and it hurts, it really fucking _hurts_.

"I miss you too," Yunho replies, the words coming much more easily to him. "We'll still see each other, Changmin-ah. I know it's weird living apart when we've been flatmates for ages, but we'll get used to it, I promise."

He doesn't want to get used to it.

*

Their next performance is in Japan, and Changmin basically fucks everything up. He's off-pitch a couple of times, his dance moves are a heartbeat too late, he accidentally starts talking in Korean when it's time to emcee. They're small mistakes, things that fans will find endearing and put down to exhaustion, but Yunho notices. Of course he does.

"What's going on with you today?" he asks, mildly annoyed, but mostly concerned. "And don't give me any shit about feeling tired, you've performed better than this before on fewer hours of sleep."

"Forget it, I'll do better next time," Changmin says, scrubbing a hand through his hair. "Don't we have some radio show to go to?"

It's clear that Yunho isn't satisfied with the dismissive answer, but there's really no time for anything else, and so the rest of the day passes in a blur of activity.

It's not until their manager drops them off at their apartment that Changmin remembers that they still have the same, shared space, in Japan. Nostalgia slams into him, and he almost wants to cry when he sees the familiar mess sprawled across the living room. Yunho immediately runs around, grabbing clothes off the sofa and clearing plates from the floor.

"Sorry, Changminnie, I forgot to clean up last time- I didn't mean to cause a mess, but you know how I get when-"

"It's fine," Changmin interrupts, stopping the frantic man in his steps. "Just... just leave it."

He stalks into his room, leaving the older man behind.

*

Yunho climbs into his bed at night.

He tenses immediately, as soon as he feels the mattress dipping low.

"I know you're awake," Yunho murmurs. "You wanna tell me what's bothering you?”

Changmin opens his mouth to say something stupid like  _I'm fine_ or  _It's nothing, go back to sleep_ , but Yunho deserves better than that.

"I- I can’t get used to it," he admits. "You're always there and now- now you're not." he finishes lamely.

For a long while, Yunho is silent. Then his arms snake out around his waist, squeezing him into a comforting hug that only Yunho can give. Changmin tries to resist, because he's a _man_ , not a boy, and Yunho hasn't had to comfort him like this since the split. But he gives in to the warmth of the older man, burying his nose into Yunho's chest and breathing in his scent.

"Silly," Yunho murmurs. "We'll always be together. Always."

And that's what does it, the promise, because Yunho _never_ breaks his promises. Changmin starts shaking with the force of his sobs, and can't even muster the energy to feel embarrassed, not when Yunho is holding him tight and peppering his face with little kisses and whispering things like,  _Changmin, my Changminnie._

He grasps the older man like a lifeline, tries to savour the feeling of being held by Yunho, and desperately wishing for the night to never end.

*

“Can you believe it?” Siwon snorts. “Two girl kissing in public like that. It’s not natural.”

“Who care, it’s fucking hot,” Shindong grins. “So what if they want to put on a public show? I wouldn’t complain!”

“You would have taken a video,” Siwon rolls his eyes, chugging back his beer. “It grossed me out. I mean, I went on holiday to take a break, not see vulgar acts in public!”

Yunho puts down his beer a little too hard. It slams against the table, but the bar is too noisy for any to notice.

“And what if children had seen them,” Siwon continues. “They’ll get ideas!”

“What, that two people can feel free to love each other in public?” Yunho snaps. He picks at his fried chicken, no longer hungry.

“Love? Yun, don’t be so idealistic,” Siwon shakes his head. “I know you haven’t been saved yet, but you can’t argue the biology of things.”

Yunho clenches his fists. He was used to Siwon’s religious ramblings that seemed to grow in conviction whenever he got drunk. Shindong’s leering was nothing new either. But the topic is making him feel sick, hot with anger that he’s too scared to show.

“But it’s okay for you to make out with guys on stage, right?” he asks, irritated.

“Bro!” Siwon splutters, as Shindong guffaws with laughter. “That’s totally different! That’s just putting on a show for the fans.”

“They like that kind of stuff,” Shindong tells him with a faux aura of wisdom. “You should know, you had to act like that with Jaejoong.”

Yunho scowls. “You know I never wanted to do that shit.”

“I guess it’s not the same though, the company would never let you do that kind of fanservice with Changmin,” Siwon shrugs. “I mean, Suju’s fine, we have so many members.”

“But with just the two of you,” Shindong waggles his eyebrows, making Siwon laugh. “Imagine the scandal! South Korea’s top idol duo are actually dating in real life!” He gasps in mock horror. “How can you sleep at night!”

Siwon drops his chopsticks, he’s laughing so hard. Yunho slams down his beer again. This time, they notice.

“Fuck you both,” Yunho snarls. He grabs his wallet, then changes his mind. They can pay for all he fucking cares. “I’m leaving.”

“Aw, bro, come on,” Shindong hiccups. “We’re just messing.” Yunho shakes off his hand.

“We know you and Changmin aren’t really dating, it’s just a joke!” Siwon protests.

Yunho says nothing as he leaves them behind. He was furious with rage, a blinding white-hot fury that keeps his jaw tightly clenched. But _god_ did that hurt. They had no idea, no fucking idea at all, and Yunho wonders how much longer he can go on feeling like this.

*

Changmin begins to make small countdowns until he sees Yunho again. The older man is away shooting for his new drama, whilst Changmin is someplace else practising sports for his new variety show. He measures the days by how many more sleeps, how many more meals before he sees Yunho again.

_Five more dinners._

_Two more interviews._

“Changminnie!” Yunho cries, beaming, as Changmin enters the recoding room. The older man rushes forward and squeezes him into a hug. “I missed you so much!”

“It’s only been a few days,” Changmin mutters with a roll of his eyes, but he doesn’t push him away.

“It felt longer,” Yunho says, bottom lip stuck out in an exaggerated pout. Changmin desperately wants to sit and just _be_ with him, but they have to begin recording their new Japanese single that’s not even out for another few _months_ , shit.

They finally leave close to three in the morning, Yunho deciding to crash at Changmin’s place for the night.

“We haven’t seen each other in _ages_ ,” he tells their manager.

“Four days,” their manager replies, unimpressed. “Can’t you save the bromance for a little later?”

“No one’s around to care,” Yunho says, voice soft, gaze hard. “We’re heading home, so if there’s nothing else, we’ll see you tomorrow.” He pushes Changmin towards the door.

“You’re staying at _Changmin’s_ home,” their manager calls after them pointedly.

“They still worry about all those gay rumours, huh,” Changmin murmurs, buckling his seatbelt in Yunho’s car.

Yunho pretends not to hear.

“Did you hear me?” Changmin persists.

“Driving,” Yunho refutes, eyes on the road. Changmin turns in his seat, staring blatantly. His hyung has a perfect profile: a sharp nose, pouted lips and gentle eyes that refuse to look at him.

“Does it bother you?”

“What?”

“When people think we’re gay. Together. Like a couple.”

Yunho shifts in his seat, hands clenching a fraction tighter on the steering wheel. “No. We both like women, I know that. People chat shit all the time anyway. If it’s not this, it’ll be something else.”

“Yeah, that’s the general public. But even our managers-”

“Our managers know nothing,” Yunho interrupts sharply. “As long as the two of us are certain of our relationship, their words mean nothing.”

It’s Changmin’s turn to squirm uncomfortably. “Okay. Sorry. I was just asking.”

Yunho sends him an apologetic smile. “No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. It’s just- we haven’t seen each other in a while, so let’s just hang out, okay? We don’t need to be up ‘till noon.”

“Sounds good,” Changmin replies, relaxing.

Yunho insists on paying for takeout, so Changmin lets him choose the dvd, thankful that the older man is in the mood for _The Avengers_ rather than _My Sassy Girl_ yet again.

“Scarlett Johannson is so hot,” he says, eyes fixed on the curves of the Hollywood star.

Yunho snorts. “Is water wet?”

“Shut up. I hope she never gets with Hawkeye. He doesn’t deserve her,” Changmin mutters.

“I think they’d be perfect together,” Yunho smiles dreamily. “I love how she’s so cold to everyone, but always makes an exception for Clint.”

“You sap. She beat the crap out of him!”

“To save him!”

“Are we even watching the same film?” Changmin bats a cushion at him. “This isn’t some romance shit.”

“You underestimate the power of love,” Yunho grins. “Love conquers all.”

“Oh my God, I don’t even know what we’re talking about anymore,” Changmin rolls his eyes.

“Shush,” Yunho says. “I love this part.”

Changmin turns back to the screen, where the Black Widow watches over a recovering Clint Barton. “Why?” he asks, when the scene ends.

“Because they know each other so well,” Yunho says, turning back to him. “They have a long history together and have been through so much. They gained each other’s trust over time and they both know they can rely on the other no matter what. That’s why I think they belong together.”

Changmin stares.

It takes just a second before Yunho realises what he’s said, and he turns away, staring resolutely at the film they both are no longer watching.

“That’s a pretty good reason for two people to be with one another,” Changmin ventures quietly.

“You think?” Yunho asks softly, still refusing to look at him when Changmin scoots closer. He turns his head, not flinching or pulling away when he realises how close their faces are.

“We’re not gay,” Yunho tries weakly, flicking a glance down to Changmin’s mouth. But his lips part, warm breath ghosting over Changmin’s pout.

“So we know it means nothing, right?”

“But…”

“As long as the two of us are certain of our relationship together,” Changmin repeats Yunho’s earlier words.

“ _This_ is not how I meant those words,” Yunho says quietly, gesturing at the miniscule space between them.

The seconds stretch, tension coiling tighter and tighter until Changmin can’t bear it anymore. Strange to think how much things would change if he were to tip his head forward and close the inch between their lips.

He leans back.

*

His father sits across from him, a fond smile on his face.

“What did I do to deserve such a meal today?” he picks up his chopsticks, eyeing the spread of food on the table before them.

“I’m enlisting soon,” Yunho shrugs. “It’s still a few months away, but I don’t know when I’ll get the chance to treat you.”

“Thank you, son,” his father replies. He’s a stoic man, but today, his happiness radiates. “You and Changmin have decided your plans until enlistment?”

“We’ve been preparing for years, Father,” Yunho chuckles. “Plus we have plans for after we finish our duty.”

“Changmin is a good man,” Jung Senior nods approval. “He did a noble thing to enlist early so you could discharge together.”

Yunho smiles. “We’re a good team.” He glances down, takes a sip of tea. “I would be nothing without him.”

His father laughs heartily. “Don’t make it seem so dramatic.”

Yunho laughs too, but really, what was funny about telling the truth?

“When you leave the army, you’ll be a real man,” his father says. “You’ll also be in your mid-thirties.”

“Early thirties,” Yunho corrects. His heart sinks. The implication is clear, though he has no wish to talk about it now. His father, however, doesn’t seem to think the same.

“When are you going to bring home my daughter-in-law? You’ve always wanted children, so don’t waste any more time.”

“Father,” Yunho mutters. “It’s not like I can just hand out flyers-”

His father continues. “You can’t spend the rest of your life dancing on stage. Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of everything you’ve achieved, but at the end of the day you need someone to come home to. Changmin doesn’t count.”

“Why not?” He must be tired. Not enough sleep, or maybe he was just tired of pretending. His father stills.

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re both men,” he says, a hint of anger leaking into his tone. “Yunho, are you-” he hesitates. “You’re joking, right?”

Was he? Yunho wonders what would happen if he just had the courage to tell his father the truth. If he had the courage to be honest with himself.

“Yes Father,” he smiles and fakes a laugh, watching the relief flood his father’s face. “Of course I’m joking.”

*

Yunho turns down the chance to perform at the SMTown concert in Japan. No one objects- he’s far too senior and paid his dues long ago. Instead, Changmin collabs with Kyuhyun and spends his time annoying his labelmates. It’s dumb fun, fanservice before he enlists himself, and anyway, it’s healthy to spend time apart once in a while-

Yunho was back home in Gwangju, last he heard. Going to the beach with his sister, visiting old schoolmates and his local fishmonger and God knows who else.

“It’s not like you’re going to die,” Changmin tells him over the phone. “Stop acting like you’ll never see them again.”

It’s a little harsh, but as always, Yunho is never mad at him. “A lot can happen in two years, Changmin-ah.” He pauses. “How was the concert?”

“Those EXO kids are pretty fun,” he admits.

“They have _names_ -”

“So when are you coming back to Seoul?” Changmin interrupts. “Hojun hyung said you guys have dinner tomorrow.”

“My train’s at six in the morning.”

“Train? What are you getting a train for? You want to be stuck on a metal tube for hours surrounded by rabid stalkers?”

“I want to do normal things,” Yunho sounds half exasperated, half amused. “Besides, it’s early and I’m in first class with a booth to myself. Happy?”

“ _Normal_ things,” Changmin teases. He snorts with laughter as Yunho groans in mock irritation. “Shit, when do you have to be up? It’s already 2am.”

“I’m gonna sleep on the train,” Yunho announces brightly, like this is some kind of genius idea.

“The journey’s only four hours, that’s not enough sleep,” Changmin frowns. “Go to bed. I’m hanging up.”

“No, wait,” Yunho cries. “Stay up with me!”

Changmin presses a palm to his face. “Deprive yourself of sleep if you really want, don’t drag me into it!”

“I can see the moon from my bedroom window,” Yunho ignores him. “Can you?”

Against his better judgement, Changmin finds himself gazing out to the sky. Wisps of clouds drift across the deep blue-black, and there in the centre is the moon, crescent shaped and gleaming like a Christmas ornament. “Yeah, I see it.”

“Does it look different in Seoul?”

“Hyung, it’s the same moon you see from anywhere in the world,” Changmin feels like thudding his head against a wall. Annoyed as he was pretending to be, there’s a warm glow of happiness that has nothing to do with the conversation, but everything to do with Yunho.

“I always thought the moon looked brighter here,” Yunho continues, dreamy. “Less pollution, I think.” There’s a soft sigh and the creaking springs of an old mattress, like Yunho had just lay back on his childhood bed. Changmin can picture it: his tall hyung snuggled amongst the sheets and pillows, next to posters of singers he’d aspired to be like. He wonders how the 10-year old Yunho would react if he’d known just how successful he’d become. It brings a smile to his face, which quickly fades when he thinks of everything Yunho’s sacrificed as well- the hurt, the pain, the tears.

“Changmin?”

“Sorry, just drifted,” Changmin mutters, gruff. “I haven’t even showered yet.”

“Shower now then,” Yunho tells him, apologetic. “Sorry for keeping you up.”

“It’s fine,” Changmin tells him honestly. Every fibre of his being feels exhausted, an old ache that never seems to go away. But still, he clings onto his phone, unwilling to hang up. “I don’t think I can sleep anyway.”

“Drink some warm milk.”

“I’m not a _child_ ,” Changmin grumbles. He fidgets, playing the hem of his pyjama shirt. “I’m bored. Entertain me.”

He throws out his demand half-heartedly, squirming in his seat. Maybe he’s too hot. But no- his legs, left bare after shucking off his trousers, are covered in goosebumps. It’s not a distraction he wants. No, he wants- he needs-

“Me?”

Changmin almost drops his phone, before he realises that Yunho is simply responding to his previous words.

“You want me to entertain you?” Yunho is laughing.

“Yes, I want you,” Changmin mutters, swallowing hard. “I want you.”

He wasn’t supposed to finish the sentence there, but no more words come to him. There’s a pause, where Yunho suddenly realises what he’s said and stops laughing. It would sound comical, but it’s just painful. The silence is swollen with years’ worth of avoided conversations, just a few words from brimming over.

“Changminnie?” Yunho asks. Soft and cautious and Changmin _wants,_ he wants so badly-

“I- I’m going to bed!”

Coward, he thinks to himself, throwing the phone down onto the mattress beside him. He covers his face with his palms, finally allowing the tears to spill. Exhaustion creeps on him again, but his skin burns. It’s like drowning, this feeling- the suffocation and helplessness, but it never seems to end. It would be so much simpler if Yunho didn’t feel the same way but Yunho _does_. He can see it in the way Yunho’s touch lingers a little longer than necessary, can see it in the way he smiles fondly at him and nobody else, can hear it through this stupid fucking phone conversation that’s about nothing and everything all at once and it’s too fucking painful.

A sob erupts from him, and Changmin wipes hastily at his face, though no one is there to notice. Stubborn, he controls his breathing until the slight moment of hysteria has passed.

“Yunho,” he says into the silence of the room. “Yunho.”

Of course there’s no answer, but Changmin is used to that. He shivers in the cool air, and allows himself to imagine.

Yunho, padding out of the shower naked and wet and smiling. Yunho, pressing a kiss against his cheek as they tuck themselves into bed. Yunho, hugging him from behind as they cook breakfast together. Yunho, leading him down the backstreets of Valencia and skipping over the cobblestones. Yunho, being with him. Yunho, and him, together.

“Bad idea,” Changmin whispers to himself. He should have known not to let himself down this path. The pain is an old wound, but one that never stops hurting nonetheless. _Redirect it_ , he thinks. _Channel that energy somewhere else._

But he’s not on stage or learning new dance routines in rehearsals. He’s in bed, alone and miserable and when he snakes a hand into his briefs, he’s both shamed and relieved.

“Yunho,” Changmin gasps again, messy and wet. “Yunho, _god_!”

His hips buck instinctively, thrusting into his fist. He can picture Yunho’s look of intense concentration, like when he’s on stage, looming over him. Yunho would be so gentle at first, learning every spot of pleasure and memorising every soft cry. Then he would learn to be dominant, to pin him down and fuck him so hard he wouldn’t even remember his name. They’d learn together the most intimidate details of each other and Yunho would be proud, so proud, to be the only one to hear him scream like that. And oh, how Changmin would take it, everything Yunho had to give, he would take it, take it all-

“Yunho!” With a last cry, Changmin spills over quickly. His chest heaves as he catches his breath. His come cools rapidly on his heated skin, and embarrassed, Changmin reaches for a couple of tissues on his nightstand.

Something cool falls against his thigh. Looking down, Changmin picks up the object, momentarily confused.

His phone.

His phone that’s still connected to Yunho.

“Oh, god,” Changmin breathes, horrified. The screen is brightly lit- he must have thrown it face down, which is why he didn’t notice. Maybe Yunho hadn’t heard anything? He cringes, desperately wanting to believe it. But if that were true, surely Yunho would have hung up by now. Holding his breath, he puts the phone to his ear.

“H-Hyung?”

There’s a soft gasp, then the line goes dead.

*

Yunho enlists today.

They have maybe a few hours left, but Changmin still hasn’t seen him. After the disastrous phone call, Yunho had gone straight to see Hojun and spent the whole day with him and their circle of friends. He hadn’t called or stopped by or even sent a message through someone else, and Changmin can’t blame him.

So this was how things would be. Yunho would enlist quietly and quickly, and they wouldn’t speak for two years. Two years to get over this stupid… obsession. There’s no point wasting any energy on wanting something he’d never have, anyway.

Changmin stares blankly at the wall.

It was stupid from the start, anyway. It’s not like he would never see Yunho again- they were co-workers after all, and a lot of their success had come from the strength of their relationship. He couldn’t- he _wouldn’t_ let his silly little feelings get in the way of that: Yunho was too important to him.

So what if he’ll never get to hold him, or kiss him, or be with him _in that way_. The way he really wants. It’s fine.

A sharp knocking on the door interrupts his thoughts. On autopilot, he stands to invite his guest in, but freezes when he sees Yunho.

His hair is shaved to the military-standard buzzcut already, the spikes looking soft. He’s breathing hard, eyes wild as he barges in. Changmin lets the door close, too stunned to say anything.

“I must be insane,” Yunho is laughing without any humour, running a hand over his cropped hair. “I was just going to run away like a coward and not talk to you for two years.”

“Hyung,” Changmin finds his voice again. “Hyung, I’m so sorry- the other night-” His face burns in embarrassment, but Yunho needs to hear this. “I thought I hung up already.”

Yunho turns, staring. “I know.” He comes closer. “I’m not angry at you, Changminnie, I promise.”

Changmin makes a small sound of confusion. “Why didn’t you come and see me yesterday?”

Yunho sighs, reaching for his hands. “I’m a coward, that’s why.” He presses his forehead against Changmin’s, their breaths mingling. “I was too ashamed to face you, to tell you how I really feel so I wanted to run.”

“How you feel?” Changmin repeats. Hope sparks, igniting a forest fire before he can help himself. He doesn’t think he can handle what Yunho’s about to say- what Yunho _might_ say- but any alternative would be infinitely worse.

“We should have had this conversation years ago,” Yunho murmurs. “I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to say it.”

“Say what?”

Yunho smiles, and it’s so pure. Changmin wants to hold his face and never see anything different again.

“I love you, Changmin-ah. I love you so fucking much and I should have said this so long ago, I’ve been in love with you for so long,” he whispers fiercely.

And there: there it was. Three simple words Changmin’s wanted to hear for so long, and it’s like a dam has broken and all the unspoken conversations, the worries and regrets all come bursting out.

“Oh, thank god,” Changmin sags. “Oh, Yunho, I love you too.”

Yunho hugs him tight, laughing with breathless relief. “We’re idiots, you know. _I’m_ an idiot.”

“Don’t say that,” Changmin mutters. Now that he’s allowed to say it, he can’t stop. “I love you so much. I’ve loved you for so long, you have no fucking idea-”

“I’m sorry,” Yunho whispers. “I didn’t choose the best timing, did I? I just couldn’t bear the thought of us ignoring things for so long and then disappearing into the army for two years. I couldn’t do that to you, Changminnie.”

“Kiss me,” Changmin demands. And Yunho, of course, never denies him a thing. Their lips press lightly at first; a wondrous venture into the unknown. But it’s so right, the way Yunho fits into his arms, the way they mold into each other and it’s nothing short of perfection.

Changmin opens his mouth, a sound of desperation that Yunho kisses away. A moan escapes, and Changmin isn’t sure who it’s coming from.

“Yunho,” he gasps, “Fuck, Yunho.”

“You sounded so damn good on the phone the other night,” Yunho bites down on his lip, sucking the pout until Changmin’s sure he’ll leave a bruise. “I was jerking off alongside you, you know.”

“Oh, fuck,” Changmin breathes. The thought of it is painful, both of them wanting something they thought had been unattainable. But Yunho is here, and they were kissing and it’s _real_. “How can you do this to me right before you enlist?”

“Sorry, I’m so sorry,” Yunho murmurs. “I’m sorry for being so late.”

Changmin’s not sure when Yunho had managed to press him against the wall, but he doesn’t give a shit. The luxury apartment is still gleaming and huge but it’s a little less empty now that Yunho’s here, where he belongs.

“You’re enlisting in a few hours,” Changmin whispers. He can’t bear the thought of having this one moment and not being able to experience it for two years. Suddenly, the reality of their situation crashes into him, and his heart sinks, jittery with anxiety. “Yunho, we’re both men. If our families find out- the company-”

“Not now,” Yunho answers, but his kisses have slowed to a stop. He breathes close to Changmin’s mouth. “One day those problems will come and they will be painful, but right now it doesn’t matter.”

“We can’t ignore them,” Changmin murmurs. He grips Yunho tighter.

“No, but we will face them together,” Yunho replies, determined. “You and me, Changminnie. What do you say?”

“Yes,” Changmin kisses him again, just because he can. “Of course yes.”

Yunho smiles. “I’ll think of you every day until I see you again.” He pulls back, reluctant.

“Me too,” Changmin tells him. He should be embarrassed, talking about this sappy mush so early in the morning. But their minutes are running out and he won’t waste a second of it.

“I have to go,” Yunho tells him, sadly.

Changmin nods. “I know, hyung.” He takes a breath. He can’t cry, not now. He couldn’t send Yunho to the army with that last image in his mind. “Yunho, I- I really love you.”

“I love you too, Changmin-ah,” Yunho backs away. It’s like he can’t bear to touch him again, otherwise he’d never make it to the army base. “I love you so much.”

“When we’re done with the army,” Changmin says. “Then what?”

“We have forever, if you want,” Yunho smiles, a hand on the door.

“Yes,” Changmin replies immediately. “I want that.”

Yunho pauses. “Well, until then, Changmin.” He stands poker straight suddenly, giving an army salute.

And Changmin laughs, a bright ray of happiness that shines from him and lands, feather-light, on Yunho as well. The other man grins back, and they both realise that this is the image of each other they will come back to time and time again in the army.

“See you soon, Changminnie.”

“See you soon,” Changmin replies. He can’t resist stepping forward and pressing a kiss to Yunho’s lips again, keeping a hand on Yunho’s chest to steady himself. Yunho smiles again, and lets the door shut behind him.

Changmin leans back against the door, breathless. He’s still a little stunned- the past few minutes seem like some strange dream. But he can still catch a whiff of Yunho’s scent, and his lips are still swollen from their desperate first kiss.

The apartment remains empty, and to the side is a suitcase half-filled with a few things he’s taking to Japan for his next schedule. He’ll be promoting alone for the last few months before his own enlistment. Yunho would be miles away.

Changmin lifts a hand to his lips, remembering the ghost of their kiss.

He smiles.

Fin~

**Author's Note:**

> ....this was supposed to have an angsty depressing ending but somehow it turned into sappy gross mush? The power of Homin, I guess \o/ Luckily for us, the real life enlistment was just as sappy and gross \o/  
>  Thank you for reading~


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